Sunday, March 5, 2017

A moment of silence

Hey guys, don't normally like to be all touchy-feely. Especially online. But I'm feeling really weird tonight and I think I have to write it out somewhere.

I've been on this game making site for a long time. Since I was 12 actually. There's only ever been about 10 users on it, and we've all been there consistently through the years.

I met some good friends, and even hosted one for several weeks (then just recently stayed with him in Sweden).

A lot of us talked each other through life's problems- bullying, depression, gender identity, love. We had each other when it felt like the world rejected us; when we were sure that there was something wrong with us because no one in our waking world thought we were worth more than a punchline to a mean joke.

We never felt completely alone, because we always had each other.

But tonight I found out that one of these users died in the most senseless and random way possible. He was young, full of life- he liked pixel art, and styling his hair, video games, cosplay, and surrealist reading. He was just a normal geeky dude. He was 24. And now because of some stupid traffic accident he's gone just like that. For absolutely no reason. And his family is never going to hear his voice again. He's never going to draw again. He's never going to post some stupid selfie online so we can tease him again.

And this is hitting me like a truck. And I don't know if I'm allowed to feel this way because I never met him in person. It feels indulgent. But I felt like he was part of some little family somewhere in cyberspace, where we were all going to hear bits and pieces, and see photos of each other while we all grew up. And we'd see each other go from these kids in middle school who no one wanted to be around, to people who found themselves and built new communities-- forged careers, took risks, and fell in love. Big and small every little victory that one of us achieved felt like such a win.

And now one of us is gone. And we're never going to see him become what he was meant to be.

1 comment:

  1. I am sorry for your loss and of course you are allowed to feel the way you are feeling. Just because you never met him in person doesn't mean he never touched your life and vice versa. You made a connection with that person and he was your friend, regardless if it's online or not, so the feelings of sadness is supposed to "hit you like a truck" now that he is gone. It shows that you are human. Sorry if I sound too blunt and again, sorry for your loss.